Marrying a single mom…
 

Hi guys…im married with my wife and we quarrel often and we are heading towards divorce. Soon I got to know a girl from Facebook. We chat and meetup. Manage to keep the conversation going. From greeting message to flirting message. Meet almost everyday after work before COVID hit. Known her for 2 years. Soon things got heated up. We start hugging. Start kissing… and end up checking in hotel or park at remote carpark for intimacy before heading home.. I also started paying for her child expense. Around $300- $400 every month(because sometimes she send me home and also Friday I would stay over at her condo). Weekend we would bring the kid for picnic.

Just last week. I bring her and her son to my parent house. My parents disapprove us being together. They know about my problem with my wife but they still cannot accept the child belong to someone else. And after that things start changing. She started deleting our photo from her social media. She also say that if we don’t have a future. Why not just go back being friends? My parents are very conservative…

What should I do? Already 2 years together… I don’t want to lose her

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

It's your life so why bother what your fuddy duddy old fashioned parents think.

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Me and my wife don’t stay together(need to separate 3 years for uncontested divorce) so I move back to my parents place. Will sell the HDB and split. Because I move back to my parent place…. I need to respect them.. respect their decision. :(:(

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Can't you stay at her place for the time being?

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

U already climb out of a hole why jump into another hole ?
Eventually will end up same story again :)
If only can stay on in current relationship will b good enough :)

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Men are always quite happy just to have a hole available whenever necessary.

Women want a "future" whatever the fuck that means. :D

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Totally agree!

OP, marrying a single mom is a total different game from dating one and enjoying each dates. Ask yourself, are you prepared for it.

Not going to dwell on why you shouldn't be marrying a single mom because you should already know this from the disapproval your parents gave you. But, always remember why people around you are warning you about it. This is because, they have probably seen or hear too much about it. :D

Regardless, I wish you all the best and hope you find an answer. Remember, there are plenty of fishes in the sea. :p

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Divorce and move on.

If your affair can't endure the challenges of proving the marriage works, she won't endure the times ahead after you 2 marry.

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Since you mention on Friday you would stay over at her condo, why not move in and stay with her , since it appears she is staying alone with the kid.

Staying together for an extended period, say 6 months will give all parties a chance to know each other better and see if the whole thing will work.

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

A chinese saying, "我有长处， 你有漏洞。我用长处补你的漏洞。”

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

you respect their decision. But do they respect yours?
You sell your hdb and split the proceeds. cant buy a smaller flat with the proceeds?

Some advice for you:

1. when marrying or dating someone, dont be limited by your parents' decisions. You're the one marrying, not them. Ultimately if things dont go as planned, you have full responsibility of all the consequences, not so much for your parents. Having said that, its still wise to consider their views (not decisions). As older people tend to give better advice on life experiences. Sometimes they can see through a person better than you do.

2. know that a lot of single mums are just looking for someone to share their expenses with. Its really hard to raise a kid, not to mention that they have to do it singlehandly. Thats far from true love. Of course, such things are difficult to tell from a 2nd person point of view. 3rd parties would be able to assess that person better for you.

3. Dont expect any mums to deprioritise their kid for anyone else. Yes, everything in both your lives after that will be "her kid comes first" policy. You may understand that, but can you live with it? Decisions such as, live where, buy what house, tonight eat what maybe we go eat jap bbq (but my kid want to eat mcdonalds today), where should we go for holiday, what should we do this weekend, etc.

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Emotional decisions tend to be high risk and low pay off.

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Single mum usually a bit tricky

(1) Need to check whether is it her problem or her ex husband problem? Sometimes I find married women too cranky. Not sure why lei. After signing on paper, stay together and have kids already, suddenly 360 change. Last time do sex hungry become totally no sex. Or last time your small cock plunge into her, she feel very shiok but after getting pump by small cock, then want to go outside look for bigger cock. Alternatively, last time love your big cock but now say too big and pain after giving birth

(2) Before marriage dress sexy (give 1/2 ball till whole world want to stick cock into them) but after marriage with kids, like not groom anymore and look like auntie. Everyday worry about kids homework rather than her self grooming.

(3) Starts to worry about expenses. She stay in condo and you stay in HDB. Why need that few hundred from you for her kid?

(4) Got other men apart from you? Need to confirm chop else your asset drop 50% again

(5) Lastly, if it is PRC/ Viet, please take care…

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

Lots of brothers (or sisters?) given good advice here. . I am in the same situation as TS. So let me share my views.

Firstly, what is your relationship with your gf? Have you guys discuss the path forward? what are both of you looking for? Does the needs align?

Then there is the relationship with the kid(s). How old are they? have you met them and are you comfortable with them and vice versa? Do you love them like you love your gf? I think this will be one of the biggest challenge you will face. Why do I say that? If you do not love them, when they compete for your gf's time, you are going to be unhappy. And make no mistake, after you are together with your gf, whether cohabitate or marry, you will be playing second string until they grow up. Are you prepared for that? Also you will be expected to chip in in their care and upbringing. I mean that is the deal being with a single mom.

As for your parents, ultimately it is your happiness and your decision. They will accept the gf and the kids after a while.

Like someone else suggested, why not stay together for a while to see how it goes.

One more thing... I thought uncontested divorce can be settled in 3 months?

Anyway, all the best in whatever decision you make.

Re: Marrying a single mom…
 

if the terms of separation are agreed beforehand, including ancillary matters like custody, care and control of children and asset split then the 3 years can be backdated.

Ask your lawyer about this. If you do a search on my profile, you will see that I posted about this elsewhere in this forum.

The key points here, are that all matters relating to divorce has to be pre-agreed between both parties. You do not even need 2 lawyers, one will do and their function is to simply draw up the agreement and take care of the filings of the divorce in the Family Court. For such uncontested divorce cases, the lawyer never even shows up in chambers.

I did mine in 4 months, from start of filing to Decree Nisi, cost me a grand total of no more than $4000 (and that is already me paying for more than my fair share of the lawyer cost, because my ex wife took a few billable hours which I ended up paying for) and one visit to the lawyer's office which lasted exactly 15 minutes, to read and sign an agreement and to put in my cheque.