[ILemonic]

Originally Posted by Az284

Thanks bro for sharing - I appreciated the time you spent to round-up all of the local dommes, as well as your contributions earlier on local dommes. I've actually learnt a lot from you in the past. It's not easy to pen thoughts down so comprehensively. I welcome your opinions both good and bad.

Your advice on doing research on local dommes first to find a connection is really spot on. The cost of error when experimenting is high and with high price tags, being careful is a must. That’s my conclusion as well.

Like you, I've sessioned with quite a few on your list, and heard about others second-hand. Some I get along with, some have rejected me for strange reasons. Others - my kinks will never match, or won’t be worth my time or money. But almost all I respect for venturing forth and trying.

The local pro domme scene is full of drama. I do my best to stay away from it. Much of what you've said I've heard repeated second-hand from others. Lots of what you've said I've actually heard people saying something quite different. Which is why I hesitate to repeat anything that I’ve heard from the dommes themselves directly on this forum.

When a community is as opaque as the SG kink ones, even with the very best of intentions, it's very easy for things to get distorted when it passes through multiple people. So my main takeaway is that it's difficult (if not impossible) to know the full truth.

You may be 100% right, you seem very well connected with what’s been going on in the scene and behind the scenes. But it’s difficult for any one person to verify information, especially if it’s based on one’s impressions of who they hang out with. Even if you tasked a New York Times investigative journalist to figure out all that went on over the past few years, they might struggle.

Going into why pro dommes left the scene and their exact personal circumstances satisfies curiosity, an itch to know. I must confess it definitely scratched my itch to see what I’ve heard written out in public. I read every word.

But if that personal information isn’t already public, then I strongly suspect their preference is not for that information to be discussed publicly on a forum. I would suggest it’s more helpful to focus conversation on how they do their sessions instead (which you have). Discretion goes both ways - they are discreet about our kinks, our identities and I think it’s relatively easy for us to reciprocate.

I put myself in the position of an aspiring pro domme in her early 20s looking at this forum and wondering if one day I choose to leave the scene because of personal reasons, will it all be posted here for everyone to see? It definitely doesn’t encourage me to join.

We complain frequently about the lack of standards and availability of good quality dommes. That’s not going to happen anytime soon or isn’t fully within our control. But there are small steps we can take here to provide a conducive environment for that happen - because at the end of the day this is a community.

My learning from the past few years or so of doing this is that it’s not easy for local dommes to get training or the experience needed to meet the high standards which are necessary of BDSM. It’s not always for the want of trying. I sessioned recently with a few dommes in SF and Berlin and the amount of resources, support, openness they have access to really just eclipses whatever is available in Singapore. The community here is also a lot more fragmented. After sessioning overseas, it makes me more aware of some of the limitations of local dommes as well as how they’ve had to work through them.

So when I meet a young / inexperienced domme for the first time, I bear that in mind that everyone is on their own learning journey. We are all constantly a work-in-progress. I don’t think anyone goes into a session treating safety lightly.

u're much the idealist. in a perfect world, yes i would 100% agree with u but the cynical world is much farther to the radicalized truth u portray. many come and many go, some come for the fast money and some for the thrill, u really think safety is their top priority or even at the back of their head? call me a realist but if that were the case there wouldn't be so many mishaps and case study to even talk about. bs is bs no matter the intent. unprofessionalism is symptomatic of bad character and the shelf lives of such dommes speaks the truth.