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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #1  
Old 07-08-2022, 07:43 AM
enzomatrix enzomatrix is offline
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Divorce advise

My wife suddenly asked for a divorce after she brought the kid home as per normal routine. She planned it long ago and even took the birth cert and passport away. I have not seen my son for days and she refuse my request to see him.

Any recommendations for lawyer for care n control of child?
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Old 07-08-2022, 03:46 PM
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Re: Divorce advise

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Originally Posted by enzomatrix View Post
My wife suddenly asked for a divorce after she brought the kid home as per normal routine. She planned it long ago and even took the birth cert and passport away. I have not seen my son for days and she refuse my request to see him.

Any recommendations for lawyer for care n control of child?
Looks like your wife understands the law, or have had some advise before she made her move - within a marriage children are under joint responsibility so she can technically "hide" your son away from you for as long as she is still your wife.

Even though this is unreasonable in terms of behaviour, it is by no means illegal. I used this same method before, years ago and I sought the advice of a Family Lawyer before I made my move.

Maybe TS you should provide more background on why your wife wants a divorce. Did she find someone else? Or did she find out about something you did and planned it this way. The background behind the reason(s) for divorce can sway the family court from determining which party should be given care and control. The conduct of the parents is a big factor behind the decision of which parent should be given care and control. So you can see where this is tricky, if your wife actually caught you doing something you should not be doing.

Care and control will be decided by the courts, while custody is almost always joint. I have been divorced for the past 3 years, and I have care and control over my 2 kids. My ex wife did not want them and chose to leave the family to be with another man. I took the kids, there was no contest. Custody is joint, but that didn't matter. I did not need a lawyer to fight for care and control since both parties already agreed the outcome.

Postscript: Eventually, children grow up and they make their own decisions. Which parent gets Care and control, in the end do not matter as much as you may think.
  #3  
Old 07-08-2022, 09:12 PM
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Willamshakspear Willamshakspear is offline
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Re: Divorce advise

NO parent has the right to deny one's biological child to another. Even in divorce cases, parents are still entitled to child custody. This is Singapore.

When you discovered your child missing, even if you know it was your wife who hid him, keep calm always & lodge a police report for missing persons. An investigative Officer will be sent to investigate & question the wife & find out more details than she will ever tell you. The I. O. will probably tell you that it is a civil matter & you will need to go to Court to resolve it. No worries, just get a copy of the I.O. report.

The purpose of lodging this report is to ensure that you have black & white copy of the incident, & will help you in your divorce case with the Court, as a right had been denied to you by your wife, & be assured that you son is at least well taken care of, or else your wife would be arrested if he is anyway found abused.

Then engage a lawyer to advise you better on your case, along with the police report. If you do not have enough funds, search online for those whom can help on 'pro-bono' cases, as some bros here had kindly mentioned.

It will be a long drawn & painful process. It is my hope that you may resolve the issue with your wife first on a personal level, find out what went wrong, & discuss how to right the direction back, back to the days when you both committed to each other enough for a marriage & even give birth to a child....
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Old 07-08-2022, 09:18 PM
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Re: Divorce advise

How old is your son?
Have you informed your In-Laws?
What is the reason for her decision? (It cannot be sudden)
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Old 07-08-2022, 09:40 PM
millenium20 millenium20 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamshakspear View Post
NO parent has the right to deny one's biological child to another. Even in divorce cases, parents are still entitled to child custody. This is Singapore.

When you discovered your child missing, even if you know it was your wife who hid him, keep calm always & lodge a police report for missing persons. An investigative Officer will be sent to investigate & question the wife & find out more details than she will ever tell you. The I. O. will probably tell you that it is a civil matter & you will need to go to Court to resolve it. No worries, just get a copy of the I.O. report.

The purpose of lodging this report is to ensure that you have black & white copy of the incident, & will help you in your divorce case with the Court, as a right had been denied to you by your wife, & be assured that you son is at least well taken care of, or else your wife would be arrested if he is anyway found abused.

Then engage a lawyer to advise you better on your case, along with the police report. If you do not have enough funds, search online for those whom can help on 'pro-bono' cases, as some bros here had kindly mentioned.

It will be a long drawn & painful process. It is my hope that you may resolve the issue with your wife first on a personal level, find out what went wrong, & discuss how to right the direction back, back to the days when you both committed to each other enough for a marriage & even give birth to a child....
This is such good advise. I’m having troubles of my own and hope that I won’t have to use this.
  #6  
Old 07-08-2022, 11:49 PM
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Re: Divorce advise

..............

Last edited by enzomatrix; 10-08-2022 at 10:34 AM.
  #7  
Old 08-08-2022, 12:00 AM
enzomatrix enzomatrix is offline
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Re: Divorce advise

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamshakspear View Post
NO parent has the right to deny one's biological child to another. Even in divorce cases, parents are still entitled to child custody. This is Singapore.

When you discovered your child missing, even if you know it was your wife who hid him, keep calm always & lodge a police report for missing persons. An investigative Officer will be sent to investigate & question the wife & find out more details than she will ever tell you. The I. O. will probably tell you that it is a civil matter & you will need to go to Court to resolve it. No worries, just get a copy of the I.O. report.

The purpose of lodging this report is to ensure that you have black & white copy of the incident, & will help you in your divorce case with the Court, as a right had been denied to you by your wife, & be assured that you son is at least well taken care of, or else your wife would be arrested if he is anyway found abused.

Then engage a lawyer to advise you better on your case, along with the police report. If you do not have enough funds, search online for those whom can help on 'pro-bono' cases, as some bros here had kindly mentioned.

It will be a long drawn & painful process. It is my hope that you may resolve the issue with your wife first on a personal level, find out what went wrong, & discuss how to right the direction back, back to the days when you both committed to each other enough for a marriage & even give birth to a child....
Thanks bro. It is scary she planned all this. Asking me to bring bb passport home and make the move and took his birth cert n passport home. There were no telltale signs and we were still playing with bb the night b4 happily.

Basically the last round she ran back 1 yr ago with my kid without sound as well after I used strong words like she be held responsible if anything happen to our kid. Her parents refuse to open the door, after that they accused me and sinsulted me. I couldn't forgive her parents and nowhere to let out, I made a ig story to let out my grievance altho no one ever reads my ig.

She was angry with that I guess. When she finally came home, she changed attitude. She never talked to me, she has to hide from me to change clothes. She washes our clothes but she just keep bb n hers leaving mine hanging there. I always felt alone like living with a stranger who doesn't care for me. I held on, I wanted my kid to have a complete family. I hoped she would open up to me as time goes by but it didn't happen.

Now she is asking me to agree to the terms and she will get the lawyer to draft n send me to sign. I have not received anything yet which I hope she hasn't proceed. But I am asking her to reconsider our relationship, for the sake of bb and us. We can work together to resolve things. I asked her to go counselling together so we can voice our issue out over a neutral party and thru communication we can resolve things.

But she has been rejecting for the past 2 days citing what I did not do for her and even bringing up things that happened many yrs ago.

I'm. Devastated that I cant see my kid. He was asking for me on the phone like papa back? Papa house. He is wondering why I am not fetching them home.

This is the 3rd or 4th time she ran home n denied me access. I'm trying to work it out with her but on the other hand I suspect she is seeing someone outside hence the sudden divorce request.

Infact I tried to call her at 8pm to see my son on video call. She didn't ans while she was online. She msg me later to tell me she call at 11pm. I thought she brought my kid out but when the call came thru, his hair was dry and he was in singlet at 11pm which likely meant she went out alone leaving my kid with her parents. She even muted the call when her mom speak.

I fear there is no hope for reconciliation but based on her family background and her character, I want to get care and control becos she always stop me from seeing my kid. She auto assume she is main care giver and will not let me see my son until I give in to her demands.
  #8  
Old 08-08-2022, 07:42 AM
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Willamshakspear Willamshakspear is offline
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Some woman will want to put her man on a guilt trip so as to get what she wants, without realizing there are consequences, thus no divorce papers yet.

Rather than be confrontational-heated arguments that will only lead to clouded judgements, try positive engagement instead, with her parents whom may be the source of divorce advise.

Buy some nice delicacies or cakes, use it as a peace offering & visit her parents. Pay your respects to them thru small talk to find common grounds, as they too love their daughter & grandson & would want the best for them.

Then gently, with all patience & calmness, go into your visit purpose. Show them the financial & emotional costs of divorce, not just for convenience sake for 1 day, but 10 yrs down the road, the realities of future, as well as the better opportunities that a supported reconciliation can bring to all for a better future. Win them over & you will stand a better chance than go thru the pain of divorce battle, & will advise their daughter better.

Good luck.
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Old 08-08-2022, 10:49 AM
enzomatrix enzomatrix is offline
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Re: Divorce advise

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willamshakspear View Post
Some woman will want to put her man on a guilt trip so as to get what she wants, without realizing there are consequences, thus no divorce papers yet.

Rather than be confrontational-heated arguments that will only lead to clouded judgements, try positive engagement instead, with her parents whom may be the source of divorce advise.

Buy some nice delicacies or cakes, use it as a peace offering & visit her parents. Pay your respects to them thru small talk to find common grounds, as they too love their daughter & grandson & would want the best for them.

Then gently, with all patience & calmness, go into your visit purpose. Show them the financial & emotional costs of divorce, not just for convenience sake for 1 day, but 10 yrs down the road, the realities of future, as well as the better opportunities that a supported reconciliation can bring to all for a better future. Win them over & you will stand a better chance than go thru the pain of divorce battle, & will advise their daughter better.

Good luck.

Tough part on her parents is they NV treated mi as their son in law. I treated them well, buy them food n stuffs, go travel with them but the moment she ran hm they mk things out of nothing to accuse mi to the extend of hitting their daughter n so on. It's very demoralising to c that n they once joined in to push shut the door when I went there to tok to my wife. I was so hurt.
  #10  
Old 08-08-2022, 09:22 PM
Penguin23 Penguin23 is offline
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Re: Divorce advise

Quote:
Originally Posted by enzomatrix View Post
My son is 3. It is sudden. We were on loose terms since the last time she ran home with him. Ever since she came back, she has changed. It's not her first time taking my kid home.

She long planned this. She asked for bb passport 2 days b4 and ask me to bring home. The next day she brought bb home to visit her parents as normal. We didn't had any conflicts, infact we just celebrated bb bday at stayca in July n brought him to jumptopia few days back. On Fri noon after she brought him home in morning, she suddenly msg mi saying she wan a divorce n wants care n control, listed out the house to 50 50, shared account I take (she has NV contributed) n maintenance for kid at 600 subjected to inflation. She even listed out all the dates n time where I have bb with me with no stay over. It's clear she had consulted lawyer before and couldn't be doing this alone.

I recently see her smiling on msg n hiding her phone or close msg when I walk past. I am suspicious she cld be seeing someone outside

For police case I have log once b4 in 2019 when she first ran home. My in law side her unconditionally and go all the way to accuse me of abusing her which isn't true.

With my past experience I decided not to go to her place but msg her to talk things out. She has been using old things as reason to divorce, all the way to 3 yrs back, what I didn't do or help her with.
Wait for things to become more obvious, then get a PI to investigate. If you have a shared car, install a tracking device. You deserve to know the truth. Jyst from the looks of it, your wife has someone outside but she doesn't dare to be open about it. This feels like deja vu, because this was also how my ex-wife started out - an affair with a colleague.
  #11  
Old 08-08-2022, 09:57 PM
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AnnieYJL AnnieYJL is offline
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Re: Divorce advise

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Originally Posted by Penguin23 View Post
Wait for things to become more obvious, then get a PI to investigate. If you have a shared car, install a tracking device. You deserve to know the truth. Jyst from the looks of it, your wife has someone outside but she doesn't dare to be open about it. This feels like deja vu, because this was also how my ex-wife started out - an affair with a colleague.
Just wondering why this started? Kind of scary this was planned for so long. I can’t really imagine that kind of flawless planning.
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Old 08-08-2022, 10:30 PM
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Re: Divorce advise

I had a similar encounter as TS.

Wife suddenly bring kids for staycation and sends someone to deliver the divorce letter. Wants almost everything from me... this shows that she's incapable of sustaining her finances and wants me to feed them. Didn't see my kids for days...

She draws line very clearly... which really push me to beyond my limits. All her colours and tails flashes out and I'm disappointed that I have such a wife.

It is so difficult to forgive her.
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Old 08-08-2022, 11:12 PM
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Willamshakspear Willamshakspear is offline
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Re: Divorce advise

There will be many perspective to the issue by TS, but one thing that he had kept private, & rightly so as we who freely offered opinions & shared experiences here to help but are only strangers, he did not revealed the real reasons WHY his wife & in-laws anger or disappointment in him. There is no smoke without fire...

The insignificant nobody me once had a young colleague. He was incredibly intelligent, a potential leader well liked by everyone, an expert in his field & thought by all he would lead us all one day.

His drawback was his incredibly huge ego, as he thought he could never make mistakes in life. As he worked hard, so too he played hard. We always had a great time with him when he invited us out to ktvs & pubs. It was no surprise to us that in time, a KTV girl would fall deeply & madly in love with him. With such ego & among friends, he naturally let loose, & went into deep intimacy with the Viet lady.

As usual with such flings, he got bored with the viet lady, & tried to ignore her, but she would not. As she had found someone who could provide a future for her, she went to extremes - she went to his home, & confronted his wife & baby son.

We as colleagues knew his wife was a good & virtuous lady & faithful wife. She was broken hearted with the viet lady's revelations, & being young & not fully matured, she fled back to her parents home for shelter.

The rest is only usual history...file for divorce amidst tears, & despite the efforts of her husband, which is minimal at best to win her back, being egoistical, he agreed to the simple request for divorce.

Divorce is never simple. As a result of the time, efforts & emotional family turmoils, he had to quit his bright career job, as being distracted by family issues to resolve, he lost his way & focus in life. He married the viet lady, but it came with consequences, both foreign & local to deal with...

This may not be what TS is experiencing, as he did not share that expect of hurt to his family with us.

All I can say to TS is this - how much he loves his wife & son, & avoid a painful divorce is HOW MANY times he will stand outside his parents-in-law house, to win them over with an action plan, patiently waiting for the door to open, with no harm or hurt to anyone, vulgarities, anger, or force entry, bearing any insults. It is his life & future that NONE else can live, despite any advise or humilation.
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Old 09-08-2022, 03:09 AM
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Re: Divorce advise

,............

Last edited by enzomatrix; 10-08-2022 at 10:32 AM.
  #15  
Old 09-08-2022, 07:15 AM
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Willamshakspear Willamshakspear is offline
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Women are temperamental & often have mood swings. We men will just have to accept such biological facts & be matured about it, with patience, & when her mood swing calms down, then explain & discussed the issues & try to find solutions to resolve situations...

It seems you are going thru only minor domestic issues. It is only normal in relationships & marriage. Life is a journey & not a bed of roses daily. You will have to just ride it out & stay calm, never to over react. Give her space & time to heal, to get over it as she eventually will. She is no longer a kid.

It is good that you had made peace with your in laws. You will need all the support you can get to reconciliate with your wife & save the marriage.

Divorce is just a signature on a piece of paper, but it is a major decision in life that comes with consequences that will affect all in life for decades-you, wife & kid.

Let time heal. All the best.
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